LIVING YOUR LIFE IN REACTION TO THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL IS EXHAUSTING.
Especially in your marriage.
You wish that you didn’t get so hurt by things that your partner says or does?
You DON’T have to!
But you have to decide to CHANGE THE NARRATIVE you have about him, yourself and your marriage.
This was a LIFE CHANGING shift that freed me from feeling anxious, depressed and worried so much of the time.
I was reflecting this weekend on how different my marriage is now than it was 8-10 years ago.
Something that would have previously set me off on a spiral of negative thoughts about him and our marriage was but a moment to notice how far I’ve come in my personal growth.
Friday my husband told me he was going out with friends on Sunday.
He said it like we’d already discussed it or that he’d already told me about it.
What? Where are you going?
I told you….
No you didn’t, but it’s not a problem. What’s your plan?
And then he explained.
I noticed in that very moment that I was happy for him.
In fact, It always makes me happy when he has time with his friends.
I didn’t always feel that way.
OLD ME would have been angry that he didn’t tell me.
Or that he thought he told me and he didn’t.
I would have made up a story that he never tells me anything.
Ultimately making it mean that he doesn’t care about me or that I’m not important.
Hmmm, that’s an interesting story.
So easy for me to look at it now and see how I let so many well practiced thoughts CONTROL MY LIFE.
OLD ME would have felt hurt that he was going to spend the day with his friends instead of hanging out with me.
Now, I’m excited to have the day to myself.
I love spending time alone.
I used to dread it because I didn’t like being with myself.
My mind was always filled with negative chatter that was uncomfortable and I wanted to be busy to get away from my own thoughts.
There is no mind drama about this being a big deal.
There is no questioning our relationship because he forgot to tell me something.
There is no making it mean that he doesn’t care or that he’d prefer to be with his friends.
OLD ME MADE IT ALL ABOUT ME.
Every little thing felt like a slight.
I was EITHER in a state of being hurt or recovering from feeling hurt.
It was exhausting and miserable.
I choose to think that it’s never about me.
It’s only ever about me when I think it is.
This my friends is a shift in thinking that can set you free.
Not taking things personally, not making everything someone else does mean something about YOU will change your LIFE.
How did it change my life?
I like myself more
I enjoy being alone
I enjoy my husband more
I don’t let what others do determine my worth or my happiness.
This is the kind of work I do with women & couples when I coach them 1:1.
Of course they come to me to work on their marriage.
BUT the real work of changing your marriage is changing the relationship you have with YOURSELF.
I help you take control of your life instead of living in reaction to all the things outside of you.
So you are living from an EMPOWERED place and designing your life instead of feeling like life is happening to you.
Would you like to react less in your marriage or other relationships in your life?