I hear this from every woman or couple I work with.
They think “we’re just so different” is the reason their relationship is not working.
And wonder “how do we make this work when we can’t agree on anything”.
Earlier in my own marriage this is exactly what I thought.
My husband and I are so different, did I marry the right person.
Let’s be honest.
You married your partner in the first place because he was different than you.
It wasn’t a problem then and it’s not a problem now.
You just stopped accepting and appreciating those differences the way you once did.
The truth is you will have differences in any relationship.
They will be a different set of differences in another relationship but you’ll still have to figure out how to deal with them.
Letting go of judgment. 👈🏻
Accepting people for who they are. 💕
May not be easy but is critical for the success of any relationship.
Whether with your partner, your children, parents, co workers, etc.
And yourself!
Chances are if you’re judging them you’re also judging you.
I used to get so mad at my husband when he didn’t have the same thoughts and feelings I did about something. 😡 😡
If I got mad, for example…..
At the take out guy who got our order wrong,
Or the person in front of us driving really slow,
Or the lawn guy who sprayed our lawn when it was raining…
I expected my husband to be mad too.
But the truth is, he wasn’t bothered by stuff like that.
Still isn’t.
And that bothered me.
Now, I wasn’t just mad at the lawn guy.
I was mad at my husband for not being mad at the lawn guy!
Sounds silly when I actually write it out. 😜
I would literally argue with him because I thought he should be mad like I was.
Can you relate??
Here’s what I learned that has changed my marriage.
It’s not the differences that are the problem, it’s the judgment, criticism and intolerance that their perspective is different than yours. 💯
Ask yourself, why is it so important that my partner agree with me on this?
What do you make it mean when they don’t?
It took a lot of practice for me to finally be able to break this pattern.
I still see it come up for me from time to time.
I can see myself quietly judging him.
⚡️ But now I’m able to stop myself and recognize what I’m doing before I start trying to change his mind.
⚡️ The more I was able to do that the less I reacted in anger and judgment.
⚡️ We stopped having so many arguments.
⚡️ I was less frustrated and annoyed and felt more loving towards my husband.
⚡️ I started to actually listen to his thoughts and feelings instead of criticizing them.
⚡️ I made a genuine effort to understand his perspective by being curious and asking questions.
This was a relief for both of us. ✨ ❤️ ✨
And relieved so much tension in our marriage.
I felt more loving and accepting when I let go of judgment and stopped trying to change him.
I feel lighter just writing that. 🤩
If your differences are taking a toll on your relationship
If you’re stuck in a similar pattern as I was and you want to figure out how to let go of judgment and reconnect with love so you can be happy in your marriage, I can help! 💕
Send me a private message and let’s talk about the dreams you have for you future together.