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Denise Fitzpatrick

We’re Just So Different

I hear this from every woman or couple I work with. ​ ​

They think “we’re just so different” is the reason their relationship is not working. ​ ​

And wonder “how do we make this work when we can’t agree on anything”. ​ ​

​Earlier in my own marriage this is exactly what I thought.​

My husband and I are so different, did I marry the right person. ​ ​

Let’s be honest. ​ ​

You married your partner in the first place because he was different than you. ​ ​

It wasn’t a problem then and it’s not a problem now. ​ ​

You just stopped accepting and appreciating those differences the way you once did. ​ ​

​The truth is you will have differences in any relationship. ​ ​

They will be a different set of differences in another relationship but you’ll still have to figure out how to deal with them. ​ ​

Letting go of judgment.​ 👈🏻

​Accepting people for who they are.​ 💕​

May not be easy but is critical for the success of any relationship. ​

Whether with your partner, your children, parents, co workers, etc. ​ ​

And yourself! ​ ​

Chances are if you’re judging them you’re also judging you.​

​I used to get so mad at my husband when he didn’t have the same thoughts and feelings I did about something. ​ ​😡​ ​ 😡​

If I got mad, for example…..
At the take out guy who got our order wrong, ​
Or the person in front of us driving really slow, ​
Or the lawn guy who sprayed our lawn when it was raining… ​ ​

I expected my husband to be mad too. ​

But the truth is, he wasn’t bothered by stuff like that.
Still isn’t. ​ ​

And that bothered me. ​

Now, I wasn’t just mad at the lawn guy. ​

I was mad at my husband for not being mad at the lawn guy!​

Sounds silly when I actually write it out. 😜​

I would literally argue with him because I thought he should be mad like I was. ​ ​

Can you relate??​

Here’s what I learned that has changed my marriage. ​

It’s not the differences that are the problem, it’s the judgment, criticism and intolerance that their perspective is different than yours. ​ ​💯

Ask yourself, why is it so important that my partner agree with me on this?​

What do you make it mean when they don’t?​

​It took a lot of practice for me to finally be able to break this pattern. ​ ​

I still see it come up for me from time to time. ​
I can see myself quietly judging him.​

⚡️  But now I’m able to stop myself and recognize what I’m doing before I start trying to change his mind. ​ ​

⚡️  The more I was able to do that the less I reacted in anger and judgment. ​ ​

⚡️  We stopped having so many arguments.​

⚡️  I was less frustrated and annoyed and felt more loving towards my husband. ​ ​

⚡️  I started to actually listen to his thoughts and feelings instead of criticizing them. ​ ​

⚡️  I made a genuine effort to understand his perspective by being curious and asking questions. ​ ​

​This was a relief for both of us. ​✨  ❤️  ✨

And relieved so much tension in our marriage. ​ ​

​I felt more loving and accepting when I let go of judgment and stopped trying to change him. ​ ​

I feel lighter just writing that. ​ ​🤩​

If your differences are taking a toll on your relationship ​

If you’re stuck in a similar pattern as I was and you want to figure out how to let go of judgment and reconnect with love so you can be happy in your marriage, I can help! 💕​

Send me a private message and let’s talk about the dreams you have for you future together.

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