WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOU KEEP STRUGGLING IN YOUR MARRIAGE
You think It’s because you can’t communicate.
But the reason you can’t communicate is because you’re focused on the wrong things.
You’re focused on changing your partner. You think HE needs to change for YOU to be happy.
The truth is you can’t change or control anyone but yourself. Shift your focus to thinking about what you CAN control and what you CAN change.
When you learn how to be happy without needing your husband to change anything then your marriage will be better than you ever imagined it could be.
You’re focused on everything that’s wrong in your marriage but spend very little time thinking about how you can make it better. Which just keeps you spinning in thoughts about how awful it is.
Instead think about how you want it to be different. If you want to have better communication with your husband, what does that mean, specifically?
Shift your focus to thinking about solutions. How can I make this better instead of complaining about how bad it is. What can YOU do to make a difference in the way you communicate.
Do you need to be less blaming and critical, can you request instead of making demands.
Many times we don’t have an accurate picture of ourselves so we might not see that we are being all these things, which makes it hard for our husband to respond the way we would like him to.
You’re focused on solving the details of your problems. I tell clients they are debating facts instead of working on learning how to talk to each other differently.
You know those conversations, when you go in circles about what actually happened.
“Yes you did, I remember when I walked in the door you didn’t say hi and you just kept doing what you were doing”. “No that’s not true, I did say hi but I was in the middle of something, did you expect me to drop everything and just run over to you” “well if you could have at least said hello, I didn’t ask you to come running over to me I only asked that you say hi and you couldn’t’ even do that?”.
You keep at this conversation restating your position over and over. You can’t resolve this. You each remember it differently no matter how many times you repeat yourself. This will get you nowhere fast.
Change your focus to expressing what you were thinking and feeling instead. When I walked in the door and you didn’t say hi I felt hurt or unimportant.
Or I would really like it if we greeted each other with a warm hug when I come home at night.
This approach leads to more constructive conversations rather than just arguing about the specifics.
When you learn how to make these shifts in yourself you will begin to see significant changes in you marriage and life.
You will begin to feel more in charge of creating the relationship you truly desire instead of waiting for your partner to do it for you.
You’ll feel more empowered, confident and in charge of your life.
You’ll resolve your disagreements with more ease and without feeling like you’re chasing your tail in circles.
You’ll feel more connected to your partner. Instead of seeing him as the opponent you’ll be working as a team.
This is the kind of change that transforms marriages and this is exactly what I do with women and couples in my 4 month coaching program.
If you’re ready for change and ready to do what you can to change yourself because that’s the only thing you can change, then reach out to me in a pm and we’ll see if my four month program is right for you.
In my experience when someone is committed to doing this work, their marriage and really their whole life can change quite quickly. Send me a message and we’ll chat today. Denise@mymarriageworks.com