THE reason YOUR HUSBAND is NOT talking to YOU is because you’re NOT LISTENING.
You probably don’t even realize it.
In fact you probably consider yourself a really good listener.
But what happens when your husband says something you don’t like or don’t agree with?
Do you pause and get curious and ask questions about why he thinks that?
Or do you get defensive and tell him he’s wrong and that’s a stupid idea and we’re not doing it that way?
Let’s say he tells you about a work situation, a difficult meeting with his boss or something like that.
A few minute into the story and you start judging how he handled it and tell him he should have said, or should have done, why did you say it that way……
He feels judged and criticized instead of supported.
If these situations come up often enough he will eventually feel like “why bother”, “I’m not gonna tell her because she’s just gonna get mad or tell me I’m wrong”.
So he stops sharing. And you wonder why he doesn’t share.
It’s the same situation with your kids.
You want them to tell you everything, want to know what’s going on in their lives, want them to feel safe and comfortable enough to tell you if they get into trouble or need a ride home because they can’t drive.
The only way they are going to feel safe enough to do that is if YOU make it safe for them to do that.
You do that by managing your own emotions and reactions when you don’t agree with what they are saying.
You stay curious and open and listen without judgment.
If you want your husband to talk to you more, check in with yourself and notice where you might be shutting this down without knowing it.
Your reactions can invite lies OR invite the truth.
It’s your choice.
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