Couples mistakenly believe they have to agree on things to resolve their issues, improve communication and make their relationship work.
The same, I-feel-like-I’m-going-crazy kind of arguments come up over and over again.
You start to wonder if you’re just too different to make it work.
It’s exhausting and life sucking to have these kinds of interactions with your partner day in and day out.
It’s not surprising that these repeated conflicts would make you question your marriage.
One couple I worked with repeatedly argued about how to discipline their kids.
He was strict and she was more lenient.
They always disagreed about how to set limits, give consequences.
Which led to them arguing about the kids in front of the kids.
When he was interacting with the kids she was trying to tell him how he should do it and vice versa.
Most couples are trying to push their perspective on the other, so of course they keep fighting.
Thinking their partner’s way is wrong and their way is right.
The fact is you will always have disagreements regardless of who your partner is.
The goal is not to make your differences go away but rather to make them work for your relationship.
To change the way you’ve been doing things you need to learn how to listen to your partner’s perspective instead of trying to convince them that your perspective is right or better.
This very important shift in thinking can change everything.
Instead of right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse, your perspectives are just different.
And instead of fighting for your perspective to be heard and acknowledged you have to learn to hear and acknowledge your partner’s perspective.
When you learn how to truly listen to the other person and work to understand their perspective and what’s important to them you will have better conversations EVEN when you disagree.
While it sounds simple it is not easy and takes work and effort to change this way of relating to your partner.
This means learning to really hear your partner’s perspective, being curious, asking why it’s important to them and what they’re thinking. And stop trying to convince your partner that they need to do it your way.
The challenge most people have is learning to listen without reacting in anger, interrupting, defending, blaming or judging.
Listening sounds so simple but takes a shift in your thinking.
From thinking your partner is wrong to being curious about your partner’s thoughts and ideas.
This simple BUT not easy skill of listening and understanding your partner’s perspective could mean the difference between a happily ever after or a miserable marriage or painful divorce.
Your marriage could be better than you ever imagined when you learn to make these shifts in your relationship.
So if you’re a woman or couple who’s been married for years and you’re struggling in your marriage with the same communication problems, arguing about the same issues over and over my guess is you haven’t learned how to truly listen to each other and be curious about the other person’s perspective.
If you want help solving these communication problems for good so you can stop just surviving in your marriage and start thriving, that’s exactly what I help women and couples do in my 1:1 marriage coaching.
▶️We identify and understand the patterns of communication that are keeping you stuck.
▶️We focus on your mindset. The thoughts and beliefs that are keeping you stuck (we have to agree) that prevent you from seeing new possibilities for your future (we don’t have to agree to make it work).
▶️You’ll learn to be curious about your partner’s perspective instead of fighting against it.
▶️You’ll end up creating an entirely different narrative about your marriage and opening up to having a marriage that’s even better than you dreamed.
If you’re ready to improve communication so you can stop having the same fight over and over and enjoy being married again then send me a private message and we’ll have a quick chat to see if it’s a fit for you.
OR schedule a call here: Chat With Denise