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Denise Fitzpatrick

The real reason you can’t fix your MARRIAGE

The reason you haven’t been able to fix your marriage problems on your own is simply because you don’t know how.
You’ve been trying for years but it’s not working and so you’re left thinking there must be something wrong with you. ​ ​
Let me assure you, not being able to fix this on your own does NOT mean ​
➤There’s something wrong with you​.
➤It doesn’t mean you don’t belong together​.
➤It doesn’t mean you married the wrong person.​
➤It doesn’t mean that you’re marriage is destined to fail or be miserable.
The problem is simply that you’ve been repeatedly trying to fix it with things that don’t work. ​ ​
Here’s what most people do that doesn’t work and keeps them stuck for years.​
➡️ ​ Trying to solve your problems when you’re both triggered. ​ You DON’T have conversations about the important things unless you’re in a heated argument about it. ​ ​
∙At that point both of you are triggered and trying to solve the problems from your emotional brain. ​ ​
∙Think about it. How productive is it when you’re both triggered and all you want to do is win the argument?​
There’s lots of blame, judgment and defensiveness. ​ ​
∙Eventually things calm down. ​ But you don’t revisit the conversation because you figure it won’t go well anyway and you’ll probably end up in another argument. ​ ​
➡️ ​ Trying to fix your partner. ​ Focusing on his faults and flaws. ​ You know them so well. ​ If he would just, why can’t he, he always, he never, he’s so _______fill in the blank. ​
∙When you focus on changing your partner you feel frustrated and disappointed. You keep trying to change him, get him to be a version of himself that would be acceptable to you. ​ ​
∙First of all, No one feels motivated to make change when they feel criticized and judged and ​ when you’re focused on him, what you can’t control and don’t focus on yourself, the things you can control you stay stuck. ​
➡️ ​ You’re trying to make change from will power alone. ​ You make agreements to do things differently either with yourself or with your partner with the same thoughts that got you to where you are. ​ ​
∙Your brain has been practiced in thinking negative thoughts and beliefs about your partner and your marriage for a very long time that make it impossible to see anything different than what you have right now. ​ ​ ​
∙Meaning if you are repeatedly think that your partner will never change, he’s so selfish, he doesn’t care about me, if he loved me he would _________. ​ I’ve been trying for years and he does nothing, you will see everything through that lens of negativity and you will filter out anything positive that doesn’t confirm that story. ​ ​
And you most likely aren’t even aware that these thoughts are running the show. ​ ​
It makes sense that if you’re doing the same things over and over and nothing changes, ​ eventually you do begin to think it’s not fixable. ​ ​ ​
The truth is most of us were never taught or learned how to do relationships well. ​ There’s no manual that tells us what to do when things get hard. ​ ​ We end up fumbling, struggling, stumbling and failing. ​ ​
Being in this place it can be painful, frustrating it takes a huge toll on your relationship and quite honestly your whole life. ​ ​
When your marriage isn’t going well it affects all areas of your life….your mood your outlook on life, the way you show up with your kids, at your job ​
⭐️ The good news is there is another way. ​ It is possible to change all of this, you don’t have to do it on your own.​  And that’s exactly the work I do with my clients. ​
You can transform from years of pain and suffering in your marriage to feeling more peace, calm and connection than you ever thought possible. ​ ​
What does work is… ​
  •  ​Learning how to identify your triggers and manage your emotional reactions so you can talk with your partner in a respectful, calm and loving way. ​ Instead of repeating the same reactive cycle over and over ​ ​
  • Making lasting change in your relationship will require you looking at your contribution to the way things are instead of trying to change your partner. ​ ​
  •  You have to shift your focus from your partner to yourself. ​ It may be uncomfortable right now because you’ve been in the habit of blaming your partner. ​
  • As you look more deeply at yourself and learn to identify your own thoughts and feelings, this will empower you to create exactly what you want. ​ It will take consistent effort, motivation, openness and a willingness to try new things and see things differently​
  • ​ And rather than trying to make change from willpower alone, I help clients learn how to get to the root cause of their problems so they create lasting change that literally impacts their entire life. ​ ​
  • This involves gaining a deeper awareness of your mindset. Looking closely at identifying the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and your marriage that prevent you from seeing different possibilities for your future. ​ ​
  • You’ll retrain your brain to identify and practice new thoughts & beliefs that support the relationship you desire. ​ ​
When you stop trying to do it on your own and have a clear path forward you will see that what you thought was impossible is completely possible. ​ ​
With the process I take my clients through they are able to move out of this stuck place rather quickly. ​ Especially when you compare it the the many years or decades they have been stuck. ​
Some clients have been able to achieve results in as little as 4 sessions. ​ ​
When you learn what works and practice new patterns that support the marriage you want, change happens fast. ​ ​
There’s absolutely no reason you can’t fix your marriage, ​ if that’s what you truly want. ​ ​
Let me help you do that. ​ ​
If you want to learn how to change your marriage once and for all, send me a message so you can started today.
or book a 30 minute consult here….

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