Tired of Walking Around on Eggshells in Your Marriage?

Tired of Walking Around on Eggshells in Your Marriage?

You’re careful about what you say so you don’t upset your partner and cause an argument.

You pain over how to bring up an issue because you’re worried about how he’ll react.

Censoring what you say and how you say it is so natural you don’t even realize you’re doing it most of the time.

These patterns of relating and communicating are common in many couple relationships and are the reason so many couples feel resentful and disconnected from each other.

These patterns go on for years, sometimes decades and even though they likely don’t make your relationship any better you can’t imagine how to do it differently.

Some people avoid conflict at all cost and live pleasantly with no real depth to their relationship.

Some argue frequently and then just move on after a few days without ever addressing the issue, until the argument comes up again.

Each relationship develops different patterns.

The common denominator is these patterns are painful and compromise the quality of your life and marriage.

The good news is you can change these patterns no matter how long you’ve been at it.

Just like my client who was in this exact place when we started working together.

She had always described herself as a confident, direct, say it how it is kind of person.

That is in all places except her marriage.

When conversations became tense her husband would raise his voice, get defensive or angry. She would get defensive and angry back and then they wouldn’t talk for days.

He would go radio silent and she didn’t know what to say or do to make things better but she knew she hated the silence between them.

It was painful to live this way. Not knowing when he would be ready to talk again.

Because of this, she decided it was better to not bring up things that might cause this to happen again.

That’s when she decided it was better to keep her concerns to herself. She stopped sharing her thoughts, feelings, desires, concerns openly and honestly.

She started internalizing everything instead of bringing it up with her husband because she couldn’t bare the stonewalling.

Not being true to herself, not speaking up or being honest had it’s own set of repercussions.

The more she censored herself, walked on eggshells, didn’t voice her concerns, She noticed she started to feel anxious and depressed.

She even started to consider that their marriage just wouldn’t work and that without him changing she couldn’t see how this could possibly work.

All of that changed over the months that we worked together.

First I helped her see that her avoidance was causing much more harm to their relationship and to her.

In the moment she might avoid an argument but the long term consequences of that was compromising her mental health and she started to feel more hopeless about their marriage and considered they may have to separate.

With weekly coaching sessions she learned to think about conflict differently. Viewing it as an opportunity for each of them to grow as people and as a couple rather than something to be avoided.

She stopped feeling responsible for her husband’s reactions and focused on controlling her own emotions and reactions.

She went from thinking she had to adjust her behavior so he didn’t get upset to realizing It’s ok for him to have his reactions, to be upset or angry and she only has to work on how she responds to him.

This freed up so much mental energy for her to focus on how to communicate more effectively with him.

She learned how to bring up concerns in a confident, assertive way even if her husband disagreed or didn’t like what she was saying.

She learned to set boundaries when she felt like the conversation was heading down a bad path.

She started to be more herself again. Speaking up for herself confidently and directly.
Telling her husband what she wanted instead of complaining of what wasn’t happening.
And guess what…..her husband responded much better than she ever imagined.

He was responding to the changes she was making. He had a better understanding of what her concerns were and what she wanted because of the more direct, non blaming way she was communicating.

It was easier for him to receive her message when it was delivered in this way.

This is true of all relationships.

The more she showed up in her power and communicated assertively, when she talked about what she wanted instead of talking about him, speaking without blame, criticism or judgment, things started to shift in their relationship.

Depression and anxiety lifted and she began to have hope about their marriage again.

As a couple they started to work more as a team. Supporting each other through difficulties instead of working against each other.

She feels so much better about herself and her marriage and feels equipped to deal with things that come their way.

She is more accepting of her husband and his differences rather than making them mean that they don’t belong together.

This is what can happen when you learn the skills and tools that it takes to have a successful, supportive loving partnership.

Do You Consider Yourself a Good Listener?

Do You Consider Yourself a Good Listener?

What about when it comes to your marriage?

Do you listen to your partner like you would a good friend? Or is it more like you’re kinda listening but really thinking about how wrong they are and what you’re planning to say as a rebuttal?

Listening sounds so simple. Yet, when you’re out of practice it can feel really hard to do.

The truth is most of us could probably work on our listening skills especially when it comes to our significant relationships.

In long term marriage it is very common for partners to become focused on being heard by the other but are often not so good at listening to each other.

So don’t feel bad if this is you. Like other skills, you can get better at this through practice.

So, Think for a moment.

What happens when your partner says something you don’t like or DON’T agree with?​

Do you pause, get curious and ASK QUESTIONS about why he thinks that?​

Or, do you GET DEFENSIVE and tell him he’s wrong, and that’s a stupid idea and we’re not doing it that way!?​

Do you judge, criticize and offer your unsolicited solution… “you should….”

I used to do that too. Not just with my husband but with my kids as well.

The outcome was always the same. Neither of us felt heard. We were both angry and annoyed with each other and could never seem to have a productive conversation.

The good news is
You don’t have to solve ALL of your problems to communicate better.

You don’t need to rehash every argument from the past

But you do have to become a better listener.

No I mean like really listening.

That means being curious, asking questions to learn more about your partner, staying calm and accepting even when you don’t agree.

These are skills that will benefit you in any relationship.

When I learned to listen and be curious instead of critical and judgmental I learned things about my husband I didn’t know. Because my curiosity invited conversation.

And conversation invites connection.

The same is true with my kids, who are now 18 and 20. Instead of telling them what they should do, I ask them to tell me what they think.

When you get quiet and listen, they talk.

These are the exact skills I help my clients practice and strengthen, and they end up being able to communicate in ways that bring closeness and connection instead of distance and disconnect in their marriage.

Maybe reading this has confirmed that you are already aware of what you’re doing, but you don’t know how to change your DEFAULT RESPONSE. And you’re certainly not alone if this is the case.

That’s exactly what I help women and couples with in my 1:1 private coaching.

Working with me will help you STOP reacting with blame, defensiveness and anger, listen with curiosity, let go of past resentments, and enjoy being married again. ​

With my supportive instruction, accountability, and feedback you will receive, YOU can learn to COMMUNICATE better and RECONNECT to your partner and listen to each other like good friends.

Schedule a call with me and we can set up a time to chat and determine whether working with me is right for you.
This is a free 30 minute ‘get to know you’ call.

You can tell me what’s currently going on in your marriage, how you want it to be different and I’ll share with you how I can help you.

We’re Just So Different

I hear this from every woman or couple I work with. ​ ​

They think “we’re just so different” is the reason their relationship is not working. ​ ​

And wonder “how do we make this work when we can’t agree on anything”. ​ ​

​Earlier in my own marriage this is exactly what I thought.​

My husband and I are so different, did I marry the right person. ​ ​

Let’s be honest. ​ ​

You married your partner in the first place because he was different than you. ​ ​

It wasn’t a problem then and it’s not a problem now. ​ ​

You just stopped accepting and appreciating those differences the way you once did. ​ ​

​The truth is you will have differences in any relationship. ​ ​

They will be a different set of differences in another relationship but you’ll still have to figure out how to deal with them. ​ ​

Letting go of judgment.​ 👈🏻

​Accepting people for who they are.​ 💕​

May not be easy but is critical for the success of any relationship. ​

Whether with your partner, your children, parents, co workers, etc. ​ ​

And yourself! ​ ​

Chances are if you’re judging them you’re also judging you.​

​I used to get so mad at my husband when he didn’t have the same thoughts and feelings I did about something. ​ ​😡​ ​ 😡​

If I got mad, for example…..
At the take out guy who got our order wrong, ​
Or the person in front of us driving really slow, ​
Or the lawn guy who sprayed our lawn when it was raining… ​ ​

I expected my husband to be mad too. ​

But the truth is, he wasn’t bothered by stuff like that.
Still isn’t. ​ ​

And that bothered me. ​

Now, I wasn’t just mad at the lawn guy. ​

I was mad at my husband for not being mad at the lawn guy!​

Sounds silly when I actually write it out. 😜​

I would literally argue with him because I thought he should be mad like I was. ​ ​

Can you relate??​

Here’s what I learned that has changed my marriage. ​

It’s not the differences that are the problem, it’s the judgment, criticism and intolerance that their perspective is different than yours. ​ ​💯

Ask yourself, why is it so important that my partner agree with me on this?​

What do you make it mean when they don’t?​

​It took a lot of practice for me to finally be able to break this pattern. ​ ​

I still see it come up for me from time to time. ​
I can see myself quietly judging him.​

⚡️  But now I’m able to stop myself and recognize what I’m doing before I start trying to change his mind. ​ ​

⚡️  The more I was able to do that the less I reacted in anger and judgment. ​ ​

⚡️  We stopped having so many arguments.​

⚡️  I was less frustrated and annoyed and felt more loving towards my husband. ​ ​

⚡️  I started to actually listen to his thoughts and feelings instead of criticizing them. ​ ​

⚡️  I made a genuine effort to understand his perspective by being curious and asking questions. ​ ​

​This was a relief for both of us. ​✨  ❤️  ✨

And relieved so much tension in our marriage. ​ ​

​I felt more loving and accepting when I let go of judgment and stopped trying to change him. ​ ​

I feel lighter just writing that. ​ ​🤩​

If your differences are taking a toll on your relationship ​

If you’re stuck in a similar pattern as I was and you want to figure out how to let go of judgment and reconnect with love so you can be happy in your marriage, I can help! 💕​

Send me a private message and let’s talk about the dreams you have for you future together.

Everyday We Have Opportunities to GROW & EVOLVE Into a Higher Version of Ourselves

Not only in our marriage.​

In EVERY relationship we are a part of. ​

From children, to parents, to the check out clerk at the grocery store, literally everyone we come in contact with.​

​Through our relationships with other people we learn more about ourselves. ​

And we get to practice BECOMING more of who we want to be. 💗

​This morning I had the opportunity to practice this “becoming” with my son.​

Who saved his summer reading for the week before school starts​! 😡​

I was tempted to step into an unproductive argument with him. ​ ​

Over the years, I’ve stepped into this struggle countless times around this same issue. ​

​The OLD VERSION OF ME would have yelled, told him what to do, blamed him for not planning properly. ​ ​

We would have fought, shed tears, been mad at each other. ​

And NOTHING would have been accomplished from that interaction except perhaps feeling hurt.​

Forcing, blaming, judging, controlling … ❌

How does that work?​

If you’re a parent YOU KNOW exactly how that worked. ​

Actually, anytime we force, judge, blame or try to control….IT NEVER WORKS.

So instead I paused. ​​⏸​

I didn’t react.​

I thought about how I wanted to respond. 😢

I reminded myself, this is his problem to solve not mine. ​

These are the same “skills” or EMOTIONAL MUSCLE I developed and used to transform my marriage. ​ ​

Building this emotional muscle starts with YOU getting more connected with yourself, INSTEAD OF focusing on your partner.​
It really is the only way to create the change you want. ​ ​ ​

⚡️ Your power comes from YOU being connected to yourself
⚡️ Deciding who you want to be. ​
⚡️ How you want to show up in your relationships ​
⚡️ And not trying to force or change another.​

Because when we try to change other people it just doesn’t work.​ ❌

When I change….my relationships change​
When I change…..I create exactly what I want​
When I change…..I’m powerful​
When I change……I’m no longer a victim​
When I change….. I become the person I’m meant to be​

↠ So how did I handle the situation with my son?​

👉🏻 I noticed my urge to step in and tell him what to do. ​

❌  I thought about it but knew it wouldn’t be helpful. ​ ​

🔑  This is key, being aware of your own thinking while it’s happening so you can do something different in a moment when you typically just react. ​

​✅  Instead, I asked him questions about how much time he thought he needed and when he thought he’d be able to get it done. ​ ​

🧠  It gave him a chance to think about it for himself. ​
​ ​
😌  I stayed calm and unattached to what he decided. ​ ​

👉🏻  I no longer try to control the outcome. ​ ​

It’s up to HIM. ​ ​

He may have to deal with consequences if he doesn’t get it done and he might not be happy about those consequences but it’s NOT MY JOB to control what happens. ​

It’s not my job to try and control things so he doesn’t have to feel frustrated or disappointed. ​ ​

​Rather than struggling with me, he had to BE WITH himself.​
​ ​
If I was my OLD REACTIVE SELF, ​ he’d have been focused on my anger instead of on coming up with a plan to get his work done. ​

When I try to control I ROB HIM of the opportunity to grow.​

And I ROB MYSELF of the opportunity to grow as well. ​ ​

To sit with my own uncomfortable feelings of not doing what I normally would do. Which is to jump in and problem solve or rescue him from experiencing his own discomfort. ​ ​

At the end of the day, This makes for a MUCH BETTER relationship between us. 💯

Are you caught up in these type of struggles with someone in your life?​

I work with women who are insightful and self aware, who know they want to change and grow and have more meaningful and fulfilling relationships but don’t know where to start. ​ ​

If that’s you I invite you to send me a message. ​​💗

We can talk about what patterns are showing up in your relationships that you’d like to change, what it will take for you to become the next versions of yourself and how I can help you get there.

5 Weeks Ago My Client Was Considering Divorce!

She was doubtful that doing the work ALONE would make a difference in her marriage.

She was CONVINCED that her HUSBAND needed to participate in marriage coaching or it wouldn’t work. ​ ​

After just 5 sessions working together SHE IS SEEING BIG SHIFTS in her marriage just by changing what she’s doing. 😇  😇

These ARE NOT massive changes. ​ ​

These are SMALL TWEAKS in her perspective. ​ ​ ​

She is seeing how her thoughts and beliefs ARE creating her experience of her marriage. ​ ​

And realizing SHE CAN change her experience by changing her thoughts. ​

She is owning HER PART in the painful cycle of arguments. ​

AND she is starting to see things from HER PARTNER’S PERSPECTIVE. ​ ​

She is seeing quick results because…. ​

She is open to looking at HER OWN contribution to the problems.

She’s open to learning more ABOUT HERSELF, instead of continuing to blame her partner. ​ ​

She’s WILLING to see things from a different perspective. ​👀

She’s blown away that she didn’t see things in this new way before. ​ ​

She had blinders on. ​ ​
We ALL have blinders on to seeing ourselves clearly. ​

That’s why it’s critical to have A MENTOR support you and guide you through these challenges. ​ ​ ​

A month ago she was talking about separating because the arguing was just too painful. ​ ​

It was the last thing she wanted she just didn’t see any way forward. ​ ​
Now she is feeling more at peace, there is less conflict, she is feeling hopeful about her marriage, she is enjoying her partner again.

What she knows now WILL FOREVER CHANGE THE TRAJECTORY OF HER LIFE and marriage.​​

Everyday, people walk away from their marriage even when they don’t want to because the emotional suffering becomes too much to handle. ​ ​

And like my client, many don’t see a solution. ​


Most of us were never taught how to have a happy healthy marriage. The great news is it’s NEVER TOO LATE TO LEARN.

I know you’re struggling right now, you’ve lost hope that change is possible. I want you to know IT’S ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE for you to be happy in your marriage again.​

I can show you how to TRANSFORM YOUR MARRIAGE from barely surviving to fully thriving. ​ ​

If you can relate to my client’s story and you want to stop suffering and enjoy being married again I invite you to send me a message. 💖

➡️  We can talk about what patterns are showing up in your relationships that you’d like to change. ​

➡️  What it will take for you to have the marriage and life you truly desire and

➡️  How I will help you get there.

Wondering How to Convince Your Partner to Go to Marriage Counseling With You?

So the therapist can take your side.​

Tell your husband the same things you’ve been telling him for years.​

And hopefully, finally, he’ll see he’s wrong and HE’LL CHANGE? ​

​If you’re nodding your head in agreement. ​ ​

Like yes of course that’s exactly it.​

❌. I hate to burst your bubble but THAT’S EXACTLY THE REASON you’re struggling in your marriage. ​ ​

The woman that has a LIFE & MARRIAGE SHE LOVES knows her relationship is simply a mirror.​

Reflecting back to her the places within that need healing. ​ ​ ​ ​

She might not know what the solution is but SHE KNOWS it starts with LOOKING INWARD rather than getting caught up in an endless cycle of blame and criticism.​

​She’s NOT looking for the traditional therapist to rehash the argument of the week. ​

She’s been that route. ​ ​

She knows she needs something more than what therapy can offer. ​

She is NOT looking for the quick fix because ​

She knows doing this kind of work is an ongoing process of personal growth and evolution.​

And she’s EXCITED to do this work.​

​She’s been on this path for a while.
​AND wants to break free of the self imposed constraints that have held her back in her life and relationships. ​ ​ ​

She’s NOT shopping for the cheapest option.​

She’s accustom to investing in her personal growth.​

She understands the commitment and focus that comes from investing in herself and her marriage. ​

The woman that TRULY DESIRES to change her life & marriage understands how precious life is and​
Is not interested in wasting any more time. ​

She’s decided SHE’S NOT WILLING to settle for a mediocre marriage or life. ​ ​

She wants to be pushed, be challenged, get out of her comfort zone, try new things, hold herself to a higher standard​.

Because she understands, THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES to continue growing and evolving. ​ ​

There’s no need to convince this woman. ​
She’s all in for herself. ​ ​


Why It’s Not Working


Trying to change what you’re doing WITHOUT changing your beliefs and attitudes ONLY creates temporary change.​

You’ve been caught in a painful cycle of arguments. ​ ​


And without fail your weekend was ruined by another big blow out? ​

All over something STUPID. ​ ​

Like most arguments, you don’t even remember what you were fighting about.​

Quiet tension and cold distance continues long after the fight until one of you breaks the silence. ​ ​


You make agreements with yourself, with your partner, you’re gonna do it different. ​ ​

You’re not going to react like this. ​ ​
You’re going to stay calm and talk things through.​

The next time comes. ​

And the minute you get triggered you go right back into the SAME OLD WAYS, the same old reactive response. ​

Defensive, blaming, judging and criticizing. ​ ​

This PAINFUL CYCLE is impacting everything in your life, even if you don’t realize it. ​ ​

I didn’t realize it either until I FREED MYSELF FROM LIVING IN EMOTIONAL REACTIVITY to things I couldn’t control. ​ ​

It was affecting my mental and emotional well being, the well being of my family. ​

My kids were so aware of what was going on even though I liked to think they didn’t. ​

So why wasn’t it working? ​ Why couldn’t we change?​


What are your current thoughts and beliefs about your partner, your marriage?​

You partner is wrong?​
He always does X.​
This will never change.​
What’s wrong with him.​
If he would only…… I wouldn’t have to feel this way ​

The narrative has to change if you want to create lasting change in your marriage. ​ ​

Changing the narrative, the negative thoughts & beliefs is what CHANGED MY MARRIAGE FOR GOOD.​

What gave me the internal peace I’d been desperate for (my whole life).​

What led to better relationships with my boys.​

What helped me to stop personalizing other people’s behavior.​

What helped me stop being a victim to my circumstance?​


Most of us have been repeating the SAME THOUGHTS OVER AND OVER for years and don’t realize how they contribute to creating our current reality. ​ ​

That’s where a coach can help you. ​ ​

As a marriage & relationship coach I help you see the things you can’t see so you can make the changes you haven’t been able to make on your own. ​ ​

I can help you solve these problems for good so you can stop just surviving in your marriage and start thriving. ​ ​ ​

In my 1:1 private coaching I’ll help you​…

✔︎Identify and understand the patterns of communication that keep you looping in the same arguments.​
​ ​
✔︎Identify and change the thoughts and beliefs that are contributing to keeping you stuck. ​

✔︎So you can learn to manage your triggers and respond instead of react. ​ ​

You can create an entirely different narrative about your marriage and your partner and have a relationship that’s even better than you dreamed. ​

If you’re ready to improve communication so you can stop having the same fight over and over and enjoy being married again then send me a private message.

You can react or respond in your marriage


Especially in your marriage.​

You wish that you didn’t get so hurt by things that your partner says or does?​

You DON’T have to!​

But you have to decide to CHANGE THE NARRATIVE you have about him, yourself and your marriage.​

This was a LIFE CHANGING shift that freed me from feeling anxious, depressed and worried so much of the time. ​

I was reflecting this weekend on how different my marriage is now than it was 8-10 years ago. ​ ​

Something that would have previously set me off on a spiral of ​ negative thoughts about him and our marriage was but a moment to notice how far I’ve come in my personal growth. ​ ​

Friday my husband told me he was going out with friends on Sunday.​

He said it like we’d already discussed it or that he’d already told me about it.​

What? Where are you going?​
I told you….​
No you didn’t, but it’s not a problem. ​ What’s your plan?​
And then he explained.​

I noticed in that very moment that I was happy for him. ​ ​

In fact, It always makes me happy when he has time with his friends. ​ ​
I didn’t always feel that way. ​ ​

OLD ME would have been angry that he didn’t tell me. ​ ​
Or that he thought he told me and he didn’t. ​ ​
I would have made up a story that he never tells me anything. ​ ​

Ultimately making it mean that he doesn’t care about me or that I’m not important. ​ ​

Hmmm, that’s an interesting story. ​ ​

So easy for me to look at it now and see how I let so many well practiced thoughts CONTROL MY LIFE. ​

OLD ME would have felt hurt that he was going to spend the day with his friends instead of hanging out with me. ​ ​

Now, I’m excited to have the day to myself. ​ ​
I love spending time alone. ​ ​
I used to dread it because I didn’t like being with myself. ​ ​

My mind was always filled with negative chatter that was uncomfortable and I wanted to be busy to get away from my own thoughts. ​ ​

What’s different?​

There is no mind drama about this being a big deal. ​ ​
There is no questioning our relationship because he forgot to tell me something.​
There is no making it mean that he doesn’t care or that he’d prefer to be with his friends.​


Every little thing felt like a slight. ​

I was EITHER in a state of being hurt or recovering from feeling hurt. ​

It was exhausting and miserable. ​ ​

And now…​

I choose to think that it’s never about me.​
It’s only ever about me when I think it is.​

This my friends is a shift in thinking that can set you free. ​ ​

Not taking things personally, not making everything someone else does mean something about YOU will change your LIFE. ​ ​

How did it change my life?​
I’m happier​
I like myself more​
I enjoy being alone​
I enjoy my husband more​
I don’t let what others do determine my worth or my happiness.​

This is the kind of work I do with women & couples when I coach them 1:1. ​

Of course they come to me to work on their marriage.​

BUT the real work of changing your marriage is changing the relationship you have with YOURSELF. ​ ​

I help you take control of your life instead of living in reaction to all the things outside of you.​

So you are living from an EMPOWERED place and designing your life instead of feeling like life is happening to you.

Would you like to react less in your marriage or other relationships in your life?

That’s exactly what I help my clients do.  Want to learn more…. Couples Coaching  Coaching for Women 

Or complete the form below and I’ll get back to you to schedule a time to chat!


Have You Forgotten to Listen?

THE reason YOUR HUSBAND is NOT talking to YOU is because you’re NOT LISTENING.​

You probably don’t even realize it. ​ ​
In fact you probably consider yourself a really good listener. ​
​ ​
But what happens when your husband says something you don’t like or don’t agree with?​

Do you pause and get curious and ask questions about why he thinks that?​

Or do you get defensive and tell him he’s wrong and that’s a stupid idea and we’re not doing it that way?​

Let’s say he tells you about a work situation, a difficult meeting with his boss or something like that. ​ ​

A few minute into the story and you start judging how he handled it and tell him he should have said, or should have done, why did you say it that way……​

He feels judged and criticized instead of supported. ​ ​

If these situations come up often enough he will eventually feel like “why bother”, “I’m not gonna tell her because she’s just gonna get mad or tell me I’m wrong”. ​ ​

So he stops sharing. ​ And you wonder why he doesn’t share. ​

It’s the same situation with your kids. ​

You want them to tell you everything, want to know what’s going on in their lives, want them to feel safe and comfortable enough to tell you if they get into trouble or need a ride home because they can’t drive. ​ ​

The only way they are going to feel safe enough to do that is if YOU make it safe for them to do that. ​ ​

You do that by managing your own emotions and reactions when you don’t agree with what they are saying. ​ ​

You stay curious and open and listen without judgment. ​ ​

If you want your husband to talk to you more, check in with yourself and notice where you might be shutting this down without knowing it. ​ ​

Your reactions can invite lies OR invite the truth. ​ ​
It’s your choice.

The real reason you can’t fix your MARRIAGE

The reason you haven’t been able to fix your marriage problems on your own is simply because you don’t know how.
You’ve been trying for years but it’s not working and so you’re left thinking there must be something wrong with you. ​ ​
Let me assure you, not being able to fix this on your own does NOT mean ​
➤There’s something wrong with you​.
➤It doesn’t mean you don’t belong together​.
➤It doesn’t mean you married the wrong person.​
➤It doesn’t mean that you’re marriage is destined to fail or be miserable.
The problem is simply that you’ve been repeatedly trying to fix it with things that don’t work. ​ ​
Here’s what most people do that doesn’t work and keeps them stuck for years.​
➡️ ​ Trying to solve your problems when you’re both triggered. ​ You DON’T have conversations about the important things unless you’re in a heated argument about it. ​ ​
∙At that point both of you are triggered and trying to solve the problems from your emotional brain. ​ ​
∙Think about it. How productive is it when you’re both triggered and all you want to do is win the argument?​
There’s lots of blame, judgment and defensiveness. ​ ​
∙Eventually things calm down. ​ But you don’t revisit the conversation because you figure it won’t go well anyway and you’ll probably end up in another argument. ​ ​
➡️ ​ Trying to fix your partner. ​ Focusing on his faults and flaws. ​ You know them so well. ​ If he would just, why can’t he, he always, he never, he’s so _______fill in the blank. ​
∙When you focus on changing your partner you feel frustrated and disappointed. You keep trying to change him, get him to be a version of himself that would be acceptable to you. ​ ​
∙First of all, No one feels motivated to make change when they feel criticized and judged and ​ when you’re focused on him, what you can’t control and don’t focus on yourself, the things you can control you stay stuck. ​
➡️ ​ You’re trying to make change from will power alone. ​ You make agreements to do things differently either with yourself or with your partner with the same thoughts that got you to where you are. ​ ​
∙Your brain has been practiced in thinking negative thoughts and beliefs about your partner and your marriage for a very long time that make it impossible to see anything different than what you have right now. ​ ​ ​
∙Meaning if you are repeatedly think that your partner will never change, he’s so selfish, he doesn’t care about me, if he loved me he would _________. ​ I’ve been trying for years and he does nothing, you will see everything through that lens of negativity and you will filter out anything positive that doesn’t confirm that story. ​ ​
And you most likely aren’t even aware that these thoughts are running the show. ​ ​
It makes sense that if you’re doing the same things over and over and nothing changes, ​ eventually you do begin to think it’s not fixable. ​ ​ ​
The truth is most of us were never taught or learned how to do relationships well. ​ There’s no manual that tells us what to do when things get hard. ​ ​ We end up fumbling, struggling, stumbling and failing. ​ ​
Being in this place it can be painful, frustrating it takes a huge toll on your relationship and quite honestly your whole life. ​ ​
When your marriage isn’t going well it affects all areas of your life….your mood your outlook on life, the way you show up with your kids, at your job ​
⭐️ The good news is there is another way. ​ It is possible to change all of this, you don’t have to do it on your own.​  And that’s exactly the work I do with my clients. ​
You can transform from years of pain and suffering in your marriage to feeling more peace, calm and connection than you ever thought possible. ​ ​
What does work is… ​
  •  ​Learning how to identify your triggers and manage your emotional reactions so you can talk with your partner in a respectful, calm and loving way. ​ Instead of repeating the same reactive cycle over and over ​ ​
  • Making lasting change in your relationship will require you looking at your contribution to the way things are instead of trying to change your partner. ​ ​
  •  You have to shift your focus from your partner to yourself. ​ It may be uncomfortable right now because you’ve been in the habit of blaming your partner. ​
  • As you look more deeply at yourself and learn to identify your own thoughts and feelings, this will empower you to create exactly what you want. ​ It will take consistent effort, motivation, openness and a willingness to try new things and see things differently​
  • ​ And rather than trying to make change from willpower alone, I help clients learn how to get to the root cause of their problems so they create lasting change that literally impacts their entire life. ​ ​
  • This involves gaining a deeper awareness of your mindset. Looking closely at identifying the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and your marriage that prevent you from seeing different possibilities for your future. ​ ​
  • You’ll retrain your brain to identify and practice new thoughts & beliefs that support the relationship you desire. ​ ​
When you stop trying to do it on your own and have a clear path forward you will see that what you thought was impossible is completely possible. ​ ​
With the process I take my clients through they are able to move out of this stuck place rather quickly. ​ Especially when you compare it the the many years or decades they have been stuck. ​
Some clients have been able to achieve results in as little as 4 sessions. ​ ​
When you learn what works and practice new patterns that support the marriage you want, change happens fast. ​ ​
There’s absolutely no reason you can’t fix your marriage, ​ if that’s what you truly want. ​ ​
Let me help you do that. ​ ​
If you want to learn how to change your marriage once and for all, send me a message so you can started today.
or book a 30 minute consult here….