50% of marriages end in divorce 60% of second time marriages end in divorce.
Why are these stats so high?
I believe the real problem is that people don’t know how to be married.
No one ever teaches us how to be in a healthy, thriving, successful marriage.
We just assume, get married and live happily ever after.
Until you don’t.
THE TRUTH IS MOST PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO GET DIVORCED.
Divorce is painful, costly and fractures families.
But when you’ve been struggling for a lot of years and you’re in pain it can feel like the only option.
In my experience the issues that you’re fighting about, the issues that are seemingly ruining your relationship, ARE NOT deal breaker issues.
It less about the issues themselves, and really about HOW YOU TALK ABOU THE ISSUES, that create the problems.
The repeated triggering and re triggering of each other over and over again, without knowing how to repair, causes the marriage to break down over time.
These repeated cycles of hurt chip away at the goodwill in the relationship.
It gets to a point where you just can’t stand it anymore. It feels so intolerable to continue on this way.
You can’t imagine it ever getting better so the next step would have to be separation or divorce.
But what if you could actually learn HOW TO BE MARRIED in a whole new way.
Actually LEARN THE SKILLS THAT YOU WERE NEVER TAUGHT about how to have a healthy, satisfying marriage?
After doing this work for over a decade and working with hundreds of couples, what I have found to be the biggest challenge for married people is how they deal with differences in their relationship.
This could be anything from how you parent, to how you spend money, how you want to spend free time, how you fold laundry, how often you want to have sex….
The list is endless.
Every single marriage will have an infinite list of both big and small differences.
You are different people, from different backgrounds, with different experiences, who see the world and life through a different lens.
Yet, many of us go into marriage expecting that our partner will see and do things the same way we do.
When your differences really start to show themselves is where most relationships start to struggle.
Those that are unable to move on from these struggles and instead, continue fighting against their differences, are the relationships that fail.
Those that ARE ABLE TO use their struggles to grow and learn and evolve together in their marriage…..
learning to accept and appreciate their differences, are the ones that find a deeper intimacy, respect and appreciation in their relationship.
Accepting and appreciating differences sounds like a very simple thing. And it is simple, in theory, but it’s hard to do because we’re human.
It can be challenging to hold onto our own perspective while listening to our partner’s perspective when it differs from ours, without immediately invalidating or dismissing or making the other person wrong.
You may feel triggered when you see your partner interact with your children differently than you would. You may want to jump in and tell them they’re doing it wrong and they should do it the way you do. You may be dumbfounded that your partner could possibly think the way they do.
Your own growth in this area, your ability to be curious about and respect your partner’s differences, IS what will allow your marriage to grow and flourish.
Which is exactly why I created Marriage Mastery.
TO TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO BE MARRIED!
✅ How to communicate around their differences.
✅ How to be with each other respectfully when you disagree.
✅ How to understand, accept and appreciate differences…..
Instead of trying to make them go away.
✅ How to listen to each other… And be curious about your partner’s world instead of being defensive and judgmental when you don’t agree.
✅ How to manage your own emotions when conversations get tense, so you can work through tough issues without it ending in a heated argument.
✅ How to express yourself in a calm respectful way so you can still feel close to your spouse despite your differences.
After years of doing this work, I’ve created my own process to help people heal and strengthen their marriage even when their differences feel insurmountable.
I’ll say it again….differences are a normal part of any and all relationships and what matters is how we deal with them.
THESE ARE SKILLS THAT CAN BE LEARNED.
You don’t have to keep living with the struggles in your marriage and divorce doesn’t have to be the only option.
Many of my clients who come to me, they don’t want to go the divorce route.
Has it been a thought in their head? Yes.
But only because they’re in a lot of pain and they don’t know what else to do, but it’s NOT the thing they want.
In Marriage Mastery I teach the skills you need to know in order to deal with your differences effectively.
By learning to see your marriage problems as a lack of skill, a lack of knowing what to do…. This takes the pressure off of needing to place blame or fault on one of you.
Once you start to see your problems from a different perspective you start to feel more hopeful and motivated to do what it will take.
And when I explain to them WHY they are struggling so much and HOW they can turn their marriage around, they immediately feel a sense of hope.
They have been looking for someone to tell them, YES I CAN HELP YOU and here’s how.
Nothing brings me more joy than seeing my clients feel relieved and hopeful that there is a better path forward for their marriage.
Each session I notice their shoulders slightly lower because they are no longer carrying the tension in their body, their interactions are kinder and more compassionate.
Yes, they are having hard conversations but for the first time they are having these conversations in a meaningful way.
They are hearing each other and listening to each other in a new way. They are feeling heard and understood.
The anger is replaced with the more vulnerable feelings of a longing to be close to the other. It truly is an honor to witness and be able to support people in this process.
Marriage Mastery is my 12 week private coaching program for midlife, professional, self aware, insightful women (& couples), who have been married for years, who are committed to staying married but know the relationship needs to change.
My 3 month marriage coaching intensive is the fastest way to transform your marriage and life and save years of continued unhappiness.
The women and couples I work with, who have the best results, are those that are self aware and open-minded and are willing to take responsibility for their part in the marriage issues rather than just blame their partner.
They are willing and motivated to do the daily work it takes to create a healthy thriving relationship because they know that if they do the work it will truly be life-changing for both them and their partner.
They are action takers and will implement the new behaviors, perspective shifts and consistently exercise the emotional muscle it takes to break old patterns and forge a new path forward.
I am kind and compassionate but I will also hold you accountable for the work you commit to and lovingly call you out when you’re not showing up for yourself and your commitment to change.
If you’re struggling or feeling frustrated right now and you know things have not been getting magically better, you’re committed to making your marriage work, you want to turn things around now AND you’re ready to invest in working with a mentor who has proven results, send me a message and we can see if working together is a fit.