Everyday We Have Opportunities to GROW & EVOLVE Into a Higher Version of Ourselves

Not only in our marriage.​

In EVERY relationship we are a part of. ​

From children, to parents, to the check out clerk at the grocery store, literally everyone we come in contact with.​

​Through our relationships with other people we learn more about ourselves. ​

And we get to practice BECOMING more of who we want to be. 💗

​This morning I had the opportunity to practice this “becoming” with my son.​

Who saved his summer reading for the week before school starts​! 😡​

I was tempted to step into an unproductive argument with him. ​ ​

Over the years, I’ve stepped into this struggle countless times around this same issue. ​

​The OLD VERSION OF ME would have yelled, told him what to do, blamed him for not planning properly. ​ ​

We would have fought, shed tears, been mad at each other. ​

And NOTHING would have been accomplished from that interaction except perhaps feeling hurt.​

Forcing, blaming, judging, controlling … ❌

How does that work?​

If you’re a parent YOU KNOW exactly how that worked. ​

Actually, anytime we force, judge, blame or try to control….IT NEVER WORKS.

So instead I paused. ​​⏸​

I didn’t react.​

I thought about how I wanted to respond. 😢

I reminded myself, this is his problem to solve not mine. ​

These are the same “skills” or EMOTIONAL MUSCLE I developed and used to transform my marriage. ​ ​

Building this emotional muscle starts with YOU getting more connected with yourself, INSTEAD OF focusing on your partner.​
​​
It really is the only way to create the change you want. ​ ​ ​

⚡️ Your power comes from YOU being connected to yourself
⚡️ Deciding who you want to be. ​
⚡️ How you want to show up in your relationships ​
⚡️ And not trying to force or change another.​

Because when we try to change other people it just doesn’t work.​ ❌

When I change….my relationships change​
When I change…..I create exactly what I want​
When I change…..I’m powerful​
When I change……I’m no longer a victim​
When I change….. I become the person I’m meant to be​

↠ So how did I handle the situation with my son?​

👉🏻 I noticed my urge to step in and tell him what to do. ​

❌  I thought about it but knew it wouldn’t be helpful. ​ ​

🔑  This is key, being aware of your own thinking while it’s happening so you can do something different in a moment when you typically just react. ​

​✅  Instead, I asked him questions about how much time he thought he needed and when he thought he’d be able to get it done. ​ ​

🧠  It gave him a chance to think about it for himself. ​
​ ​
😌  I stayed calm and unattached to what he decided. ​ ​

👉🏻  I no longer try to control the outcome. ​ ​

It’s up to HIM. ​ ​

He may have to deal with consequences if he doesn’t get it done and he might not be happy about those consequences but it’s NOT MY JOB to control what happens. ​

It’s not my job to try and control things so he doesn’t have to feel frustrated or disappointed. ​ ​

​Rather than struggling with me, he had to BE WITH himself.​
​ ​
If I was my OLD REACTIVE SELF, ​ he’d have been focused on my anger instead of on coming up with a plan to get his work done. ​

When I try to control I ROB HIM of the opportunity to grow.​

And I ROB MYSELF of the opportunity to grow as well. ​ ​

To sit with my own uncomfortable feelings of not doing what I normally would do. Which is to jump in and problem solve or rescue him from experiencing his own discomfort. ​ ​

At the end of the day, This makes for a MUCH BETTER relationship between us. 💯

Are you caught up in these type of struggles with someone in your life?​

I work with women who are insightful and self aware, who know they want to change and grow and have more meaningful and fulfilling relationships but don’t know where to start. ​ ​

If that’s you I invite you to send me a message. ​​💗

We can talk about what patterns are showing up in your relationships that you’d like to change, what it will take for you to become the next versions of yourself and how I can help you get there.